America’s Bizarre Laws

America's Bizarre Laws come into play as we take that energy and sprint across the country, pulling the weirdest state laws we can find and arguing about what could possibly have happened to make lawmakers write them down. It’s comedy, sure, but it’s also a look at how “harmless” rules can stick around for decades and turn into the legal folklore we all pass around.

We hit everything from Alabama banning bear wrestling and blindfolded driving to Alaska’s no-kangaroos-in-barber-shops moment, plus Florida drawing a hard boundary around swimsuit singing. As we go, we keep circling the same question: are these bizarre laws in America just outdated blue laws, or do they reveal something real about public safety, local culture, and people making legendary bad choices? The side quests get just as wild, including classic TV nostalgia, strong opinions on grooming rules, and the kind of riffing that only happens when you’ve got friends at a table and a microphone running.

When Oregon enters the chat, it gets personal fast: no wedding ceremonies at skating rinks, no boxing kangaroos in Myrtle Creek, and other local oddities that make you wonder who first tested the limit. We even float a run for mayor of Medford and start accepting proposals for brand-new “laws,” because why stop at reading the rulebook when you can rewrite it?

If you laughed, share this with a friend who loves weird trivia and leave a review so more people can find Almost Famous Radio. Subscribe, send it to your group chat, and tell us which strange state law you want to challenge first.

Transcript

Backyard Studio Roll Call

SPEAKER_09 0:11

From our humble backyard studio, this is the Almost Famous Radio podcast with your host, Jeffy McJefferson. Let's go.

SPEAKER_05 0:26

And welcome to the Almost Famous Radio Podcast. Jeffy McJefferson here. Guess what we got today? You can't guess. You're not, you know what, you're not here. You can't guess.

SPEAKER_09 0:39

I've got three guess.

SPEAKER_05 0:40

But I'll tell you. We never hit. Hello. Darista.

SPEAKER_02 0:46

Hello.

SPEAKER_05 0:47

Mike, who was here on the old college football, but what's up? Lot of different lot of different things gonna go on today, right? Well we get to improvise. Improvise.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 0:57

Improbose. And we don't have to talk about Indiana. Or is that or is that uh we can talk about the ducks? You see that game?

unknown 1:05

No. Again?

SPEAKER_05 1:07

I saw when they got the living shit kicked out of them. Anyway, missed that one.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

You still haven't introduced me to any of the ducks players that may or may not be your clients.

SPEAKER_05 1:15

That's the other Mike.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:19

We go round the table, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:22

I'm drinking a diet cherry coke.

unknown 1:26

Woo!

SPEAKER_05 1:27

Garista.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

The Sierra Nevada, Paleel, original.

SPEAKER_06 1:31

Mike, Manly Man's White Claw Surge. That's blood orange.

SPEAKER_10 1:36

Manly man.

SPEAKER_06 1:37

But everybody, every logger drinks these.

SPEAKER_10 1:41

And arm wrestler.

SPEAKER_06 1:42

Yes, our arm wrestlers. And Russian Turtles, I've heard.

SPEAKER_05 1:45

Yeah. And that's another story. Jason the Barbecue guy's in the house. Woo! Kind of chick check. And Karen. What is that koozie?

SPEAKER_06 1:58

Seven time national champions. Oregon University. Change the logo?

SPEAKER_05 2:02

It's Crimson and Cream, and they're they're seven-time national champions. It's called Oklahoma Universe.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

So, how many of those people graduated?

SPEAKER_05 2:12

Really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I don't really give a shit. As long as we live the crystal ball. There you go. Hey, next year. Again. We'll do it again. I mean, I mean us.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Sports ball thing. Sports ball.

SPEAKER_05 2:32

Go team. Special show. I guess. Is it special? It's special. It's always special.

SPEAKER_10 2:39

Everyone is special. It's always impromptu.

SPEAKER_05 2:42

Are we special? We're special. We're like short bus people. Sitting here wearing a hard hat. We're short bus people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 2:52

Speak for yourself.

SPEAKER_05 2:53

I am.

SPEAKER_10 2:54

I used to drive the short bus.

SPEAKER_06 2:58

You're the leader of the special people. Legit.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

Used to drive the short bus. All right. Yes, you're an advocate. I'm the leader. Yes, ma'am. An ally.

SPEAKER_05 3:06

The leader of the short bus people is right. Leader of pumpkins. Leader of uh short bus pack. Okay. That's all I got. If Jody was here, she'd she'd sing one verse and that's it, just like I just did. So we're good on that. If I sing the show ends.

SPEAKER_06 3:26

Leave it at that.

SPEAKER_02 3:28

I cannot wait.

SPEAKER_06 3:29

Even Karen doesn't like it when I sing, and she has no idea what's going on.

SPEAKER_10 3:34

Want me to sing? No. That's a hard no.

SPEAKER_05 3:40

That's a hard no.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

No, thank you. No.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

No.

SPEAKER_05 3:44

Well, thank God we're not doing a music deal today, then.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

So because that's that's the B side.

SPEAKER_05 3:51

I don't know. I kind of want to hear Mike singing right now. After all that, I kind of want to hear Mike singing.

SPEAKER_06 3:56

No, you don't. Kind of. There's no reason to end your podcast this early. I do an amazing journey. Oh, that's your or or the eagles. Which one?

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Which eagles?

SPEAKER_06 4:11

The one where he's doing the really high-pitched. I've been told I've been told I've been an amazing back singer. The farther I back up, the better I should have.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

What's your eagle song? If you went to karaoke, what would your eagle song be?

SPEAKER_06 4:24

It's Hotel California. And that's the song you would karaoke. I I play the drums to it. I don't sing to it.

SPEAKER_02 4:31

I'm setting up. I'm a drummer.

SPEAKER_05 4:32

I'm not a singer. Okay, so then we have to have a Don Henley song. Oh, Don Henley. Oh. Because he's a drummer singer. Bob-headed bleachbond comes on at five. There you go.

SPEAKER_06 4:40

She can tell you about the playing class.

Karaoke Talk And Bathroom Luck

SPEAKER_00 4:43

No, but that's Don Henley.

SPEAKER_06 4:45

Man.

SPEAKER_05 4:46

Ladies and gentlemen. Okay. Don fucking Henley.

SPEAKER_10 4:52

Didn't know we have a special guest today.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

Oh no. I don't think I wasn't singing California either.

SPEAKER_05 4:57

Don Henley, what are you drinking? I don't know what you were singing. Yeah, I'm drinking uh chess beer today. So okay. Thanks, Don Henley.

SPEAKER_06 5:05

The other main guy. The guy who's dead. Glenn Fry. He's not here today. Yeah. He's not here today. Okay. We won't be here. No. But he's he's drinking up in heaven. There you go. Rayette's actually gonna run the show today.

SPEAKER_05 5:18

Go girl.

SPEAKER_10 5:19

Well kinda.

SPEAKER_05 5:20

She's a runner. She are.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

Wait, before we Sorry to interrupt. That's okay. Before we start, can somebody tell me how Hotel California California starts?

SPEAKER_04 5:31

Yeah. Yeah, we can.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

Doesn't sound right.

SPEAKER_06 5:38

That's the guitar strings. That's not the words, dumbass. It's the guitar strings.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

Oh no, you don't. Mr. Mike O'Neill's case was everything right there. Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_05 5:53

Are you talking about lyric-wise?

SPEAKER_02 5:55

You're starting to sound like Joni Mitchell. Yes. Thank you.

SPEAKER_06 6:01

That sounds way better than I would have. I don't know what the fuck you were doing. I was doing the instrument. I'm a way better instrument than I am a vocal.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

Evidently.

SPEAKER_06 6:11

I played the drums to that song perfect. All right.

SPEAKER_02 6:14

Now I can sleep at night because I know how that song sounds.

SPEAKER_06 6:16

I was pretty good. I'm not sure about that.

SPEAKER_05 6:19

But okay. Didn't see that voice coming out of you. I'm impressed. Neither did I. I got lucky. One time in my life, I got lucky. Twice. Once here. I hit a couple of lucky with Red. And then I hit a couple of green lights, you know, on the way home when I had to take a fucking shit. So other than that, I'm not talking about that.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

That's the best kind of luck you can get on these days. Hey.

SPEAKER_10 6:48

You know. Nothing worse than a red light. No, that thing is shredded.

SPEAKER_05 6:55

We had a tornado in Mitford. I'm gonna go ahead and say here's what sucks about that. I I I know I'm going off course as usual, but like I said, I got I was hitting some green lights. I was like feeling pretty good because I had to go home. We ate breakfast, had to take a fucking shit.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

And did you get a country fred steak? Well, hang on a minute. You did. I knew it.

SPEAKER_05 7:14

I had like a sneaker fest on the street, man, when I turned. I was like, having to sneeze when you have to take a fucking shit.

SPEAKER_02 7:23

Was it the hash browns or the square?

SPEAKER_05 7:24

It's not good.

SPEAKER_02 7:25

Hash browns. Yeah. Great stuff.

SPEAKER_06 7:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 7:28

It was all lube up and ready to go.

SPEAKER_06 7:32

Well, lube is one of our elliptics sports. Not the lube. But lube. So see, this all ties together. I like. Yeah. It's the lube. Oh, it's the lube.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

So if anybody out there it's a it's a lube-loo.

SPEAKER_05 7:43

Yeah. And and fortunately I didn't, you know, shit the drawers. So it's a good day when that doesn't happen.

Building The “Olympics” Parody

SPEAKER_06 7:51

It's a good day. Amen. You know, but here's something special. The people who listen to this one are on the ground floor of our new endeavor. That's right.

SPEAKER_05 8:00

The Olympics. Yeah, you want that. Yeah, the Olympics.

SPEAKER_06 8:02

So it's it's a it's it's a work in progress. We're gonna get into that too. I mean, not today, but I mean our administrator's here. We've already hired her for no salary. Well, she's she's working for free.

SPEAKER_05 8:14

Yeah, you guys are gonna do the Olympics, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:17

You're double dipping? Well, it depends who who gives me the best deal.

SPEAKER_05 8:22

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

I I'm gonna negotiate. Once you deal with the Olympics.

SPEAKER_10 8:25

Of course I'm gonna do that. I think you'll like Arthur.

SPEAKER_05 8:27

Yeah. We have Peggy.

SPEAKER_10 8:28

Would you rather see a whole bunch of naked chicks or a bunch of I haven't decided yet?

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Well, I mean, the the Olympics. The Olympics have a possibility. There's opportunity yet. Anybody else?

SPEAKER_06 8:40

And the eyes have it.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

I mean, naturally, I've got to pay for the the chicks.

SPEAKER_05 8:46

Karen, please raise your hand because that way we all have the majority.

SPEAKER_10 8:49

No. We can't. Okay. No. Don't do it, Karen. Don't do it. No. Okay, now you can do it with us. No!

SPEAKER_02 8:59

Well, I have to look at both business business proposals, you know.

SPEAKER_05 9:03

Yeah. Well, we're gonna get together. Me and Mike and Jason and everybody, we're gonna put together the Olymp Olympics.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

Olympchics?

SPEAKER_05 9:11

I think it's an annual, yeah. And what's the summer game, one have a summer day games one year and a winter games another year. And you know, stay tuned because we'll get into that.

SPEAKER_02 9:24

But we're gonna have quarterly sports.

SPEAKER_05 9:25

So oh Olymp dicks. Oh, optional. Yeah. Well.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

Yeah. We're gonna have spring, summer, fall, and winter.

SPEAKER_05 9:32

Helicoptering. Oh. Yeah. Okay. That'll work for you guys, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

Yeah. Viewership.

SPEAKER_05 9:38

I guess we should get on the business at hand. Just like curling. Oh. We call it pegging, not curling.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:46

You've got to hit the hole. Yeah, we have a certain guy that we have set up for the receiver of the pegging, and I'm not going to mention his name, but there was there was an election in I don't know what year it was, but they were hanging those things in Florida.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

What are you talking about? You're not clear. Oh, you talking about the George Bush election that was like no 18 years old.

SPEAKER_05 10:19

Very close. That's all we were saying. That's all. So they were hanging. They were hanging those. So that's the guy we're gonna get.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Ah, okay.

SPEAKER_06 10:36

I think we also had the uh the nipple eyeball poke. Yeah, we do have that. That's only in the winter. It's only in the Winter Olympics, though. We're so off topic right now, it's unfortunate. Well, not working the Summer Olympics, you know that.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

Yeah, we're then not very organized at this moment.

unknown 10:54

All right.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

So so we're sitting on the car. There are a couple ideas.

SPEAKER_06 11:04

Yeah, we are way structured in the college football one.

SPEAKER_02 11:07

Like, how do we how do we play off of the Olympics, right?

SPEAKER_06 11:10

Oh, you guys have to talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 11:12

And there's like different many different options for games, right?

SPEAKER_06 11:17

And so let's talk about the biathlon.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

Well, yeah, that's what we talked. That's what we spoke about is like maybe there's a women's league and there's a men's league, and we'll get back to you guys. We'll get back to the city.

SPEAKER_05 11:30

We will get back to once we once we get it all figured out and you guys will love it. And so Red actually has Robin? Yeah, I I have to I have to stop this sometime because we keep going.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

I thought that's what we were talking about. What do you mean? No.

SPEAKER_05 11:43

No. Rayette's running this show. Oops.

SPEAKER_02 11:45

Oh. Let me just put my tail between my legs.

SPEAKER_05 11:49

We don't know French.

SPEAKER_10 11:50

No, we gotta come up with all of our games first before we can talk about it. Yeah, then we'll get on here and I thought we were freewilling about them for the people. Some are free willing. Free William. Free William. Don't take our sporting events.

SPEAKER_05 12:11

Free Prince William. How long can you hang it out? Yeah. How long can you go?

SPEAKER_01 12:15

Where we at, Raya? How long? Hello? How long can you go?

SPEAKER_02 12:20

Hello. I was cut off from I was cut off from singing. I thought now we can sing again.

SPEAKER_05 12:30

Okay. Okay. Karaoke time is over. Don't want me in there. Okay, Rayot.

Weird Laws Begin State By State

SPEAKER_10 12:35

Alright. So, idea I had for this was some dumb laws. Dumb, crazy laws that are out there in each state. So I thought it might be fun to discuss some of them.

SPEAKER_06 12:50

Let's discuss. Do they all come out of California?

SPEAKER_02 12:53

No. No, they're all in the south. You know that to be true.

SPEAKER_10 12:58

I got some for each of the 50 states.

SPEAKER_05 13:01

Oh, good. The fitting.

SPEAKER_10 13:03

Oh, representative. Good. We'll just start off with everybody's representative. Everyone's favorite. Alabama.

SPEAKER_05 13:09

Alabama. Yeah. It makes me think of that ducks game.

SPEAKER_10 13:15

Just so you know, bear wrestling matches are prohibited there.

SPEAKER_05 13:20

The what? Why? Bear.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Bear?

SPEAKER_06 13:23

Wrestling matches. Like real bear grizzly bear? How are we supposed to be able to do it? There's no fucking bears in Alabama.

SPEAKER_10 13:30

No, I'm just saying. Oh, it's real? Yeah. That's a law. It is in Alabama.

SPEAKER_05 13:36

Oh, because I was going to say, are you in cock fights in Alabama?

SPEAKER_10 13:39

Well, it doesn't say you can't.

SPEAKER_06 13:41

Okay. I'm just wondering.

SPEAKER_10 13:42

No, only bears prohibited.

SPEAKER_06 13:44

Well, that's PETA. Go ahead. Save the bears.

SPEAKER_10 13:48

You also can't chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.

SPEAKER_06 13:51

Didn't know there were alligators in Alabama either.

unknown 13:54

What?

SPEAKER_06 13:54

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:55

It's a Gulf state. Are you serious? It's a Gulf state. You don't know about your geography, sir.

SPEAKER_06 14:00

I do. I just don't go to Alabama much.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

I don't blame you.

SPEAKER_06 14:02

I like to hang around people who can read.

SPEAKER_10 14:06

But if you do, you can't chain it to a you can't chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.

SPEAKER_06 14:10

Makes perfect sense. What if there's a fire?

SPEAKER_10 14:12

Excuse me.

SPEAKER_06 14:13

Can you imagine the fireman who had to go take the alligator away? That's probably why it became a law. Brilliant.

SPEAKER_10 14:18

That's probably why it became a law.

SPEAKER_06 14:20

I'm all on that. Alabama people will start to look smarter to me every day.

SPEAKER_10 14:23

Yeah. And and this one, too, really makes a lot of sense that they would have this one. It's illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

SPEAKER_05 14:34

What if they lost the bet? Well then he has to drink Montuckey.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

Too much.

SPEAKER_06 14:50

I think the officer would take that into account. Montucky. The entire state.

SPEAKER_02 15:01

I mean, that's pitiful.

SPEAKER_06 15:02

Under double digits.

unknown 15:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 15:05

You're digging way too deep.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

That's unfortunate. No, that's not too deep. That's very unfortunate. We have to silly.

SPEAKER_10 15:15

Exactly. That's the whole thing of these.

SPEAKER_06 15:17

Like we thought politicians nowadays were stupid.

SPEAKER_07 15:21

Like what? At some point it had to happen. So here's the thing. With at some point it had to happen.

unknown 15:29

Right?

SPEAKER_07 15:30

The blindfold. I mean the you have to make rules or laws because of people. Well they're doing these things.

SPEAKER_02 15:41

Making poor choices.

SPEAKER_06 15:42

You ever seen the movie real bad choices? The guy who was blind. Oh, Ray Charles? No, no. It was it was it was a funny movie, but they went out drinking, and the blind guy, their buddy, is driving and they get in the wreck. And the cop is like, so let me get this straight. You're blind? He's like, Yeah. Why are you driving? He goes, because I'm the only one who's sober.

unknown 16:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 16:09

Exactly. Makes perfect sense.

SPEAKER_07 16:14

Because blank guys are not going to be a good thing. I don't know how I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 16:16

I don't know how you can argue with that. We got a drunk guy trying to navigate, it didn't work. But he was the sober ones driving. That's responsibility right there. That is responsible.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

Okay. That's a good friend. That's a solid friend.

SPEAKER_10 16:29

I got you. Don't worry, I got you.

SPEAKER_06 16:31

I'll drink to that.

SPEAKER_10 16:32

I can't see what you look like, but I got you.

SPEAKER_06 16:35

I got you, brother.

SPEAKER_10 16:37

So Alaska. Woo!

SPEAKER_05 16:39

Oh, that should be good. The enchantment state. No, it's not the enchantment state. I don't even know what the hell Alaska is.

SPEAKER_10 16:44

I don't even understand this one, okay? Because I didn't know they even had this animal there.

unknown 16:51

What?

SPEAKER_10 16:51

Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

Kangaroos are real.

SPEAKER_10 16:58

This cannot be real.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

Are there kangaroos?

SPEAKER_01 17:00

These are real. These are real. No.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

No, they're not. No.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

This is real.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

No. Ask chat GPT again. Also that works. This is not real.

SPEAKER_10 17:10

Also Unless they got loose from a It's illegal to whisper in someone's ear while they are moose hunting.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

That's more believable.

SPEAKER_06 17:19

You distract their shot, I guess. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 17:21

That's more believable. I don't understand that one.

SPEAKER_06 17:26

Not barber shop, but what if it's in a like more of a full shop? I think that's allowed. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 17:30

Yeah, because that's different than a barber shop.

SPEAKER_06 17:32

Because yeah. Or way more compatible with kangaroos and they can come in. I got you.

SPEAKER_10 17:36

Plus, you know, they nurse their they have their young in their tummy like you know, like a pack.

SPEAKER_06 17:41

Like I think maybe kangaroos are just hostile towards men, and that's why.

SPEAKER_10 17:44

That's probably it. Yeah, you're probably right. That's probably why that was written. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 17:48

Maybe they'll solve that problem. Maybe they'll solve that.

SPEAKER_02 17:50

I mean, most of them are single mothers.

SPEAKER_06 17:52

Maybe those fuckers jumped over there from Australia. Well, remember the Bering Strait used to be a frozen path. Yeah, it was. That's how they got over there. Yeah. There's probably a lot of hidden underground kangaroos. They probably slid. They disguise themselves as huskies.

SPEAKER_10 18:06

Slid? Did you know in Arizona donkeys can't sleep in bathtubs?

SPEAKER_05 18:10

No, I did not know that. Is the bathtub full or empty?

SPEAKER_10 18:15

It doesn't specify. So maybe more.

SPEAKER_02 18:18

Indoor or outdoor?

SPEAKER_06 18:21

Does hot tubs include bathtubs?

SPEAKER_10 18:23

No, I think clothlets. I think they would be allowed in a clothlet standard? I think they would be allowed in a hot tub.

SPEAKER_05 18:28

So would you turn me in? Yeah, would you turn me in if I fell asleep in in Arizona and say, hey, this ass fell asleep in the bathtub?

SPEAKER_10 18:37

You'd probably be arrested. No, she would just call an air. Especially if it's in your neighbor's boss. She would let an ass asleep in the bathtub, 911.

SPEAKER_02 18:46

She would let you experience your natural consequences.

SPEAKER_06 18:53

That's a waste of money to bail you up. You're drunk again, aren't you?

SPEAKER_05 18:56

How do you know? And you can even go back to the show. You don't live here. You can go jackass, this jackass or this ass fell asleep in the city. That's right. Yeah, okay. So I'm not gonna sleep in a bathtub in Arizona anytime soon, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

No, I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_10 19:08

It would be a hot tub in no time. Oh, well, in Arkansas, you can't keep an alligator in the bathtub.

SPEAKER_05 19:13

Whoa.

SPEAKER_10 19:15

I mean, that we're really protecting bathtubs.

SPEAKER_05 19:19

That's kind of legit.

SPEAKER_10 19:20

Because there are alligators alligators in Arkansas.

SPEAKER_06 19:25

In zoos.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

You need to lock your door.

SPEAKER_06 19:32

Are they allowed in barbershops?

SPEAKER_02 19:34

I think they are, yeah. That's actually the next law. Alligators are allowed in barbershops.

SPEAKER_10 19:43

A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.

SPEAKER_06 19:50

What if they bob the principal?

SPEAKER_10 19:52

So that's allowed.

SPEAKER_06 19:54

Okay. Or the superintendent. That one's allowed.

SPEAKER_05 19:57

Quit bobbing your hair, bob the principal, get a raise. There you go. Yeah, if you bob the principal and you bob the superintendent, you you got it. There's room for a band people.

SPEAKER_10 20:06

Well, and then it makes you wonder like how old are some of these laws? Because you know, stuff gets put on the books.

unknown 20:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 20:11

Nobody even knows it's there anymore.

SPEAKER_10 20:12

And and you know, it was there for a reason at some point.

SPEAKER_06 20:23

Christo, I can't believe you did it. God wishes.

SPEAKER_08 20:26

Oh, God.

SPEAKER_06 20:27

Yeah. So yeah. Well Chris is trying to get a raise.

SPEAKER_10 20:31

California's got some really good ones.

SPEAKER_06 20:33

Oh, I'm sure they do. Oh, here's your state there, Mikey.

SPEAKER_10 20:37

That's his state.

SPEAKER_05 20:39

No, no, he's talking about he was waiting for this shit. I'm hoping they're going to join their own union.

SPEAKER_10 20:44

Women cannot drive in a house coat in California. What's a house coat? Is that a bathrobe? Bathrobe.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 20:55

In a convertible or in any car?

SPEAKER_10 20:58

Oh yeah. It just has a drive. I know. Some of these are really dumb.

SPEAKER_06 21:04

Does that emit too many like carbon fumes into the air?

SPEAKER_10 21:08

And in Hollywood, it's illegal to drive more than 2,000 sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.

SPEAKER_06 21:20

Karen left that. Even Karen got that. And that's hard to do. Alzheimer's is a wonderful thing. There are sheep walking down California roads all the day. So that's okay.

SPEAKER_10 21:40

We're talking about the regular day on Hollywood Boulevard.

SPEAKER_05 21:43

On Hollywood Boulevard.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 21:48

No more than 2,000 or 2,000 or less. Or what would you say? Do you have to get a permit for that?

SPEAKER_02 21:53

1,000. That's except 2,000 sheep.

SPEAKER_06 21:56

Not more than I've seen like the longhorn cattle in Fort Worth. Come down the side.

SPEAKER_10 22:00

So you can have 1,999, but not more than 2,000. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

Does it say anything about the breed of sheep? No.

SPEAKER_04 22:09

Oh, good.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

I mean, it could be the black sheep. It could be, you know.

unknown 22:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:14

Well, it's lucky that we weren't in that they weren't in Alabama doing that.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

At least they're not discriminating the the sheep that are available.

SPEAKER_05 22:22

It's not gonna be good. That's where the sheep For real. Yeah. Sheep go.

SPEAKER_10 22:28

Sheep go to sleep.

SPEAKER_06 22:29

That's kind of a woolly concept.

SPEAKER_05 22:30

Where the men are men and sheep are scared. But go ahead.

SPEAKER_10 22:34

In Colorado, car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.

SPEAKER_06 22:39

That's that's fine. That seems every car dealer would love that. Well, the dealer wouldn't think salesman would.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

Well you just say you're at church.

SPEAKER_06 22:46

They take three days off Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's. I work three days.

SPEAKER_05 22:50

I work in the car dealership. And Sunday is, you know, the it's not it's not For some reason, 4th of July is a great day to sell cars.

SPEAKER_02 22:57

That's the Lord's Day, unless you actually want to buy a car.

SPEAKER_05 22:59

Well, not it's not even that.

SPEAKER_02 23:01

Oh, I'll get down to the office right away and we'll sign this deal.

SPEAKER_05 23:04

You're not gonna sell a car on Sunday, hardly. If you ride a car, I wouldn't think there's six other days you can do it.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

Hey, somebody has to get to work on Monday. You won't get down to the dealership and sign that.

SPEAKER_05 23:16

No, go to one of those fucking notebots and get one and say hell with it.

SPEAKER_02 23:19

Like the CarMax that have the you could do the elevators and shit. Call an Uber for the colour.

SPEAKER_06 23:25

If you just got a job, for God's sakes, call an Uber. Yeah, call them.

SPEAKER_10 23:30

It's expensive. In Sterling, Colorado Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a tail light.

SPEAKER_05 23:38

Wait, what?

SPEAKER_10 23:41

Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a tail light.

SPEAKER_05 23:46

They put a tail light on a cat. You have to put a tail light on it.

SPEAKER_10 23:54

Is that like a headlamp?

SPEAKER_06 23:57

It's an ass lamp.

SPEAKER_10 23:58

It's an ass lamp. Oh, ass lamp. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. I think those are on Amazon.

SPEAKER_06 24:04

Yeah, I'm sure you can get it. Are these LEDs?

SPEAKER_10 24:07

Ass lamps for cats.

SPEAKER_06 24:10

Solar panel power or these LEDs? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 24:13

Like the things on the back of the bicycle.

unknown 24:15

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:15

Don't hit me.

SPEAKER_10 24:17

Maybe they're powered, but like, you know, like if you pedal, but they walk, so it powers it.

SPEAKER_05 24:23

And they flash. You know, they have those flashy ones.

SPEAKER_10 24:28

Does it have a turn signal? Like if you're I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 24:32

Cats have got nine fucking lives. Who cares?

SPEAKER_10 24:34

I know.

SPEAKER_06 24:35

I mean, so you run over them eight times, they're still around.

SPEAKER_10 24:37

That's true.

SPEAKER_06 24:38

That's a great law. Dumb law. That's a great law.

unknown 24:41

That's required.

SPEAKER_05 24:42

Thank God they thought of it because I wouldn't have. That's why we're not politicians.

SPEAKER_10 24:47

Yeah, that's well, in Connecticut, a pickle is not officially a pickle unless it bounces.

SPEAKER_05 24:54

Wait, really? Bounces or bounces?

SPEAKER_10 24:57

Bounces. Both. Boing. Boing.

SPEAKER_05 25:01

Now wait. Is this a real pickle? Cucumbers bounce. I like pickles. Okay. And do you check and see if they bounce?

SPEAKER_02 25:08

It depends on what kind of cucumber you're using to create the pickle.

SPEAKER_06 25:12

I never eat a pickle with legs. If you're eating a pickle with legs, it's a dude, and you probably shouldn't be doing it.

SPEAKER_10 25:20

That could be in your Olympics.

SPEAKER_06 25:21

That's another topic.

SPEAKER_10 25:22

Olympics. Olympics. It could be in our Olympics.

SPEAKER_06 25:28

Well, not limp.

SPEAKER_02 25:29

What the hell? Hey, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something, Mike. We embrace pickles in our Olympics. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 25:37

The ones that bounce?

SPEAKER_02 25:38

Rayette? Yep.

SPEAKER_06 25:39

I'm sure they're about bouncing pickles.

SPEAKER_02 25:40

Especially the ones that bounce.

SPEAKER_06 25:42

So you guys will have a high jump in your Olympics.

SPEAKER_02 25:43

The ones that don't bounce, too. We'll think of something for those. We embrace all the of the phone.

SPEAKER_06 25:47

Well, then you can't call them a pickle. Connecticut can't host those. So yeah. The Olympics will never be in Connecticut. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 25:53

I'm okay with that. Sorry, Connecticut.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

We don't want to even want to fly that far. That's fine.

SPEAKER_05 25:58

Sorry, Connecticut.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

As far as we're going is Nevada, never have a chance.

SPEAKER_10 26:02

We can probably find a lot of Olympics in Nevada.

SPEAKER_05 26:06

You got awesome freaking college basketball teams, men and women. So sorry, pickles. Sorry, Connecticut. Yeah. All right. Bouncing pickles. What the f anyway.

SPEAKER_10 26:19

In Delaware, it's illegal to get married on a dare.

SPEAKER_06 26:26

What about a bet? If you lost a bet, it'll work.

SPEAKER_10 26:31

Is it a dare?

SPEAKER_06 26:33

What about a double dog dare? Oh. Triple dog dog.

SPEAKER_02 26:35

It says dare, so I think that covers all dares. No, no, not all dares are created equal.

SPEAKER_06 26:43

They can be.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

Damn, it's ever seen the Christmas story?

SPEAKER_06 26:48

Can you can you get divorced on a dare?

SPEAKER_02 26:52

That's a good question. I think you can.

SPEAKER_10 26:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 26:57

So that's fine. You just can't start it.

SPEAKER_10 26:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 27:00

So that's brilliant. You don't make a stupid decision to start it, but you can make a stupid decision to get out of it. That's perfect. Fucking Delaware's got their shit together. Oh my gosh. Delaware's gone.

SPEAKER_10 27:08

They don't they literally only have two dumb laws. Delaware's funny.

SPEAKER_06 27:12

By the chance. I'm in Delaware. Fuck. Delaware prohibits.

SPEAKER_10 27:15

Hey, maybe racing we can get like a Bogo. On Good Friday or Easter Sunday. You can't horse race on Good Friday or Easter Sunday in Delaware.

SPEAKER_06 27:25

Yeah, what do you got to say about that one? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

I want to ride my horse any day I feel fucking feel like riding my horse.

SPEAKER_06 27:32

You don't have a horse. But you can't race it.

SPEAKER_02 27:33

No, assuming I did. That's my horse to ride whenever I feel like it's a big deal. Well, you can't race it there.

SPEAKER_06 27:39

You can walk it.

SPEAKER_02 27:39

Well, I can race a dog. I can race a duck. I mean, I can race myself.

SPEAKER_06 27:44

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 27:45

To beat the clock.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

You sound like a racist.

SPEAKER_05 27:48

Yeah, you're a racist.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

Yeah, no, I'm a racer.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 27:53

Different. I'm a racer.

SPEAKER_06 27:56

Okay. Now that we have Delaware, only 46 more states to go.

SPEAKER_10 28:03

District of Columbia.

SPEAKER_06 28:05

Great.

SPEAKER_10 28:06

This is not a state. The UFO says it's a crime to give false weather reports.

SPEAKER_06 28:14

They do it every fucking day. Jeez, so yeah. Did you see Thursday? We were supposed to get a shitload of snow and we got nothing.

SPEAKER_10 28:19

Yeah, I know. But that's Oregon. It was very disappointed. District of Columbia. That was sad.

SPEAKER_06 28:24

They're all the same. I don't think they intentionally break the law, but they're just always wrong.

SPEAKER_02 28:29

Who who are we holding accountable?

SPEAKER_00 28:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 28:32

Who are you holding accountable?

SPEAKER_02 28:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 28:34

Weather people.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

Are they going to jail? You're all off with their heads.

SPEAKER_07 28:42

I agree.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

What?

SPEAKER_06 28:44

Because I can walk outside, look up at the sky, and probably do it better than they do most of the time. Get these fucking people a window.

SPEAKER_04 28:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:58

Go ahead, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

Yeah. I looked out the window this morning and I was like, hey, at this point, wind is fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_04 29:08

We see it. Yeah. Did you see my gazebo?

SPEAKER_02 29:10

I didn't need somebody to tell me that. Did you see our gazebo? Yeah. Our shit torn apart.

SPEAKER_06 29:16

They didn't predict tornadoes today here.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

Right? Throne against the wall.

SPEAKER_10 29:19

Well, in Florida, it's illegal to sing in public while attired in a swimsuit.

SPEAKER_02 29:24

That is so rude. That's bullshit.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

Some chicks have naked. I don't care what she's doing.

SPEAKER_10 29:30

It's illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

If she's in bikini, she can do anything she wants.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

I don't care. We're going to be out there in our swimsuit singing a song from the rumors of the room.

SPEAKER_05 29:42

I'm going to go, I'm going to go to see that. I don't care if they do it. I really think so.

SPEAKER_02 29:50

No, I don't want to hear that song. No.

SPEAKER_06 29:53

If you're in a swimsuit, that might be illegal. That's okay. But that's just public lewdness. That's different. No, it's not going to be a speedo. If you start singing, then then it's yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

What do you mean it's not a speedo?

SPEAKER_05 30:06

I might turn Japanese.

SPEAKER_02 30:08

What are you going to be wearing?

SPEAKER_05 30:09

You wax, right? Wax on, wax on.

SPEAKER_06 30:12

Okay, there you go.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

Wax on, whack on.

SPEAKER_06 30:15

I don't know. A bunch of furries hanging out of this speedo. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 30:19

Well, in Georgia, all citizens must be own a rake, gentlemen.

SPEAKER_06 30:23

It's what?

SPEAKER_10 30:24

All citizens in Georgia must own a rake.

SPEAKER_06 30:26

A rake?

SPEAKER_02 30:27

Yep. I believe in that. Every human should own a rake.

SPEAKER_06 30:30

They have nothing but fucking pine trees. Does anything leaves fall off there?

SPEAKER_10 30:34

Also, it's illegal in Georgia to use profanity in the presence of a corpse.

SPEAKER_05 30:39

Fuck that dead guy.

SPEAKER_02 30:41

Yeah, that piece of shit, that asshole.

SPEAKER_05 30:44

Oh, thank god. Thank God we're not in Georgia.

unknown 30:46

God damn.

SPEAKER_05 30:48

All right. What are they gonna say? Okay. So if you're if you're like It's not like anybody came to my own, say a chick's ex-husband is about to get buried, you know, say, hey, eat dirt, asshole. Eat dirt, motherfucker. Okay, oh, you're a nervous, sorry.

SPEAKER_10 31:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 31:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 31:09

Yeah.

unknown 31:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 31:11

Good job, Georgia.

SPEAKER_10 31:12

What's my bail?

SPEAKER_06 31:12

I got nothing with that one.

SPEAKER_10 31:14

I know, weird, right?

SPEAKER_06 31:18

Oh no, that somebody brought that up.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

There's not somebody that you would want to say fuck you to if they died.

SPEAKER_06 31:25

I'd rather do it.

SPEAKER_02 31:27

When they're alive? Oh, okay. So they can hear it. Uh uh.

SPEAKER_06 31:33

I'm not really into afterwards. Afterwards, I'm like, mission accomplished.

SPEAKER_10 31:38

Just so you know, in Hawaii, coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.

SPEAKER_06 31:47

Magicians are fucked there. They are fucked. Jesus. Yeah. No, that's it. No magicians can go there.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

This is related, I I guarantee you, this is related to healthcare costs.

SPEAKER_06 31:56

Is that a quarter?

SPEAKER_02 31:58

Because so many kids come into their emergency room with coins and shit in their ear.

SPEAKER_06 32:02

Can they still go on your anus in Hawaii? Probably. Okay. Seems like that'd be a medical issue, but okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:09

Is that a quarter in your ear? Fuck.

SPEAKER_06 32:11

What if it's a super dollar? They don't do they make those anymore?

SPEAKER_02 32:13

Yeah. I I actually today I saw a one-dollar.

SPEAKER_06 32:17

It was put this up there, I'll give you four quarters. Like an ATM.

SPEAKER_10 32:24

I wonder how old this one is. All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat in Hawaii.

SPEAKER_06 32:31

In Hawaii. You must have an exit strategy.

SPEAKER_07 32:33

They have to have a boat.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

No, you live in a particular community. It's like living in Palm Beach.

SPEAKER_06 32:39

No, you're on a fucking island. How else do you get off? You need a fucking canoe. If you have a canoe, what if a volcano goes off?

SPEAKER_02 32:48

Yeah. It's like 12 months that canoe will get you back to the States.

SPEAKER_06 32:51

You can back join with us.

SPEAKER_02 32:53

It's not about safety.

SPEAKER_06 32:53

It's not Gilligan's Island. Did they dock from Hawaii first? Did you ever see that episode where they found a way to take seashells and find a way to get off the island and Gilligan fucked it up? Oh, Gilligan fucked up everything.

unknown 33:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 33:05

Many times they could have gotten off that island.

SPEAKER_05 33:07

He's a piece of shit.

SPEAKER_10 33:08

Many times they could have gotten off that epic.

SPEAKER_06 33:11

And then the kill Gilligan didn't have the next day. I'm trying to figure out for a three-hour cruise. How did the howls pack that much shit for three hours? Man, they're rich. Ginger had all the Hollywood dresses. Yeah, but Mary Ann was hot, though. Mary Ann. She had her, she had she was the first Daisy Duke shorts.

SPEAKER_02 33:28

You were not complaining about their clothes. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 33:31

She's from Kansas.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

Or lack of them.

SPEAKER_06 33:32

Skipper and Gilligan were the same and the professor were the same goddamn clothes every episode. Ginger and the house, it's like they came out of their mansions. It's like, oh my designer, Gucci, came and got me today. Gucci should have said, hey, you want to need a ride? They did it.

SPEAKER_10 33:47

None of them should have had extra clothes for a three-hour tour.

SPEAKER_06 33:49

It's a three hour. But they did. I know the song. We could all sing that right now. Well, they got they got sponsored. They got sponsored. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

I triple dog dare you.

SPEAKER_06 34:00

The weather started getting rough. Mighty ship was tossed. If not for the luck of the curve, fear the screw. The widow would be lost. The middle. Excuse me.

SPEAKER_10 34:08

The widow might be too.

SPEAKER_06 34:10

The widow might be. Yeah, it was a good show, though. And it came right for Bewitched. Yeah. You have to bring us home with the three-hour tour.

SPEAKER_08 34:24

Three hour tour.

SPEAKER_02 34:26

The three hours tour. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_06 34:31

That sounded way better than I did.

SPEAKER_10 34:34

So in Idaho. Writing a merry-go-round on Sundays is a crime.

SPEAKER_06 34:40

What if you're at the state fair?

SPEAKER_10 34:42

No, no merry-go-rounds on Sundays.

SPEAKER_05 34:46

State fair obviously is prohibited on Sundays.

SPEAKER_06 34:49

Sundays, and that's the case. Also in CC. No, they keep the what's the big terrorist wheel? Ferris wheels okay.

SPEAKER_10 34:58

Yeah, that that's okay.

SPEAKER_06 34:59

You can go vertical, you can't go lateral.

SPEAKER_10 35:01

Right.

SPEAKER_06 35:02

It makes sense.

SPEAKER_05 35:02

I got that. So you can't ride fake horses and shit on that. No.

SPEAKER_10 35:06

Also, if you're 88 years or of age or older, it's illegal for you to ride your motorcycle.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 35:12

That's 100% I agree.

SPEAKER_02 35:15

This one makes sense.

SPEAKER_06 35:16

That is legitimate.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

And I would reduce that down to 80.

SPEAKER_06 35:20

My dad's 98 and he drives Seven Feathers every Tuesday to get his free ice cream at the casino. Takes him six hours to get that free ice cream because he's gambling my inheritance away. So if you see a gray Nissan truck coming down the freeway at I-5, just pull over. He's just, you know where he's going.

SPEAKER_05 35:36

Yeah. Well, he's not in Idaho, so that's good. He's not riding. He's not riding a motorcycle. That's huge.

SPEAKER_06 35:42

Like, Dad, everybody's forgot about World War II. How do you still get away with being a veteran?

SPEAKER_02 35:48

Wait, he's the veteranist of veterans.

SPEAKER_06 35:51

He is. Don't mess with that. He's the last World War II veteran left. Good stories, though.

SPEAKER_00 35:57

I bet.

SPEAKER_05 35:59

Don't go to Idaho, Dad.

SPEAKER_10 36:01

A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterpart. Never ever.

SPEAKER_02 36:14

We are never, ever, ever.

SPEAKER_06 36:16

Fuck down where I'm going here.

SPEAKER_05 36:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:20

Illinois.

unknown 36:21

Illinois?

SPEAKER_05 36:22

I'm gonna push F for a national. Staying out of Chicago, but I'm going to Illinois. I'm gonna push F or a Nashville.

SPEAKER_02 36:27

But excuse me, Mr. is a courtesy. A man with a mustache dude.

SPEAKER_10 36:33

A man with a mustache may not kiss a woman.

SPEAKER_06 36:39

Oh I'm clean she Excuse me.

unknown 36:41

Fuck off.

SPEAKER_06 36:42

One guy in here is getting laid. Nobody else is.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

Oh, Jason.

SPEAKER_06 36:46

Ooh, he's also that just means raising his flag to brag about it. Here's the thing. He's got to fuck with foreplay. We don't. Yeah, Jason's got Jason's the only one that can we just go right to the main scene.

SPEAKER_05 36:58

I don't know what that means.

SPEAKER_02 36:59

I don't really want to.

SPEAKER_04 37:01

What?

SPEAKER_02 37:02

Whatever whatever you're saying. You never heard of foreplay? Yeah, but whatever you're describing, I don't I don't even know about that.

SPEAKER_06 37:08

Krista, okay, we'll talk about it. I know I I understand.

SPEAKER_02 37:12

I understand the principle, but not when it has to do with the mustache and the goatees and all this shit.

SPEAKER_06 37:17

It's called rash.

SPEAKER_02 37:18

Okay, no, what did I just say? No, no, I don't want to rash. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_06 37:22

No, it's not right.

SPEAKER_07 37:23

I'm not saying anything.

SPEAKER_06 37:25

Skin irritation. Not that. Probably. I guarantee you, some woman in the politicians has sensitive skin and she got tired of being kissed by somebody with a mustache, and it irritated her face, and she's like, dude, we gotta stop this shit. This is a national flag, huh?

unknown 37:40

You quit.

SPEAKER_06 37:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 37:43

It's also illegal to take your French poodle to the opera.

SPEAKER_06 37:47

The poodle?

SPEAKER_10 37:48

The French poodle. You cannot take your French poodle to the opera.

SPEAKER_05 37:52

Those aren't those big ones, aren't they?

SPEAKER_06 37:54

German Shepard's okay, all right.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

I'll tell you. He still wants to kiss her on her face.

SPEAKER_05 38:00

Yeah, but you can you can take your I don't think poodles are now, I guess. So I wouldn't go to an opera anyway, because fuck that. I wouldn't have a French poodle. So I wouldn't have a French poodle either.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

I think I feel like we've gone off the rails.

SPEAKER_10 38:14

In Indiana, it's illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.

SPEAKER_05 38:19

Now that's bullshit.

SPEAKER_02 38:21

I know. The monkey could only be so lucky.

SPEAKER_05 38:24

This is Indiana. Has anybody watched fucking Hangover? That monkey smoked like a motherfucker.

SPEAKER_10 38:29

It wasn't in Indiana.

SPEAKER_05 38:30

Well, I know, that's what I'm saying. That's what that that you know he should This is only in Indiana.

SPEAKER_10 38:34

That's why they didn't film it there.

SPEAKER_05 38:35

Well they should have. That would have been illegal. They should've. Yeah. Breaking laws. You know, sometimes you gotta you gotta be a rebel.

SPEAKER_10 38:43

And no one can catch a fish with its bare hands in Indiana.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:55

That's wrong. Iowa. Oh, there's more?

SPEAKER_06 39:01

There's more states. You know, we have fifty of us.

SPEAKER_10 39:03

We have fifty states. Yeah, obviously.

SPEAKER_05 39:08

Plus DC.

SPEAKER_10 39:12

Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.

SPEAKER_02 39:16

Are you fucking kidding me?

SPEAKER_05 39:17

No, wait.

SPEAKER_10 39:18

Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Iowa.

SPEAKER_02 39:22

This is this is I take personal offense to the other.

SPEAKER_06 39:25

Would they used to be made out of hay?

SPEAKER_02 39:26

I I am personally offended by this. As though horses are so stupid that they would eat a fire hydrant.

SPEAKER_06 39:36

I'm guessing it used to be made out of hay, and that's why this this is.

SPEAKER_02 39:38

No, this is no, no, this is some kind of drunk human that made a mistake and filed it with the quartz. It's also gonna First of all, they cannot eat a fire hydrant. It doesn't even make sense.

SPEAKER_05 39:50

How do you know?

SPEAKER_10 39:51

Well, we didn't make these.

SPEAKER_02 39:52

We're just going, how are you gonna eat a fire hydrant?

SPEAKER_05 39:55

Well, horses might be a bite at a time.

SPEAKER_02 39:59

That doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_05 40:00

They've got huge teeth.

SPEAKER_02 40:02

One there's one thing that I will never stand for, and that is just horses eating fire hydrants for God's sake.

SPEAKER_05 40:08

No, yes.

SPEAKER_02 40:09

It's disparaging horses. I will never stand for that.

SPEAKER_05 40:13

Yeah, and they eat fire hydrants.

SPEAKER_10 40:16

Well, no, they don't. Just so you know, in Kansas you can't hunt whales.

SPEAKER_05 40:22

Oh shit. I lived in Kansas and Home. Are they talking about whales? Are they talking about biggins? Are they talking about whales?

SPEAKER_10 40:36

Or are they talking about like the you also can't catch bullfrogs in a tomato patch?

SPEAKER_05 40:42

I just want to know about the whales. Are they talking about the whales that are in the water or are they talking about whales? Two-legged whales. Two legs two-legged whales.

SPEAKER_10 40:51

We don't know.

SPEAKER_05 40:53

And what about the bullfrogs?

SPEAKER_10 40:54

How dare you? You can't catch them in a tomato patch.

SPEAKER_06 40:57

They do. And I don't know. Do bullfrogs like help. Maybe their poop is good for the tomatoes, and it's good for pigs.

SPEAKER_10 41:04

Maybe.

SPEAKER_06 41:05

So maybe that's brilliant.

SPEAKER_10 41:06

They want you to leave them alone.

SPEAKER_06 41:07

I'm gonna go with that.

SPEAKER_05 41:08

I live in Kansas. Because in Kansas and I've never seen the bullfalls.

SPEAKER_06 41:11

This is the first time that you've sounded aggravately reasonable. The Wizard of All is a film in Kansas, and that's a great movie. So I'm not going to disparage the Kansas people. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 41:20

Thank you.

SPEAKER_06 41:21

Dorothy is amazing. Now, the Good Witch of the North is kind of sexy, but we'll leave that alone.

SPEAKER_10 41:28

Did you know in Kentucky every citizen is required to take a shower once a year?

SPEAKER_05 41:36

That's par for the course there anyway.

SPEAKER_02 41:38

Is it does it have to be in Kentucky? In the bathroom, or can it be like in a creek? It doesn't specify. It could be in a crick. Yeah, they can shower in a crick.

SPEAKER_05 41:50

Is that in a creek? Is that Kentucky or Montucky?

SPEAKER_10 41:54

Oh, it's called a crick.

SPEAKER_05 41:55

It's crick. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 41:57

Does anybody it's also illegal to marry the same man more than three times?

SPEAKER_02 42:02

That should be.

SPEAKER_06 42:03

Third time's a charm.

SPEAKER_02 42:04

100% stand behind it.

SPEAKER_06 42:06

After the third time, you gotta get it right, man. Yeah. That's just practice.

SPEAKER_10 42:12

Oh, this one, Louisiana.

SPEAKER_05 42:14

This is the best law. We got Louisiana. She likes this one apparently. Is it Louisiana or Louisiana? Louisiana.

SPEAKER_10 42:20

Louisiana. Oh my god. Good catch.

SPEAKER_05 42:23

Good catch.

SPEAKER_10 42:24

Okay. In Louisiana, biting someone with your natural teeth is simple assault. While biting someone with your false teeth is aggravated assault.

SPEAKER_02 42:37

Same assault. Assault is assault.

SPEAKER_05 42:41

I got nothing. I got nothing. That's funny.

SPEAKER_02 42:44

You shouldn't bite someone.

SPEAKER_10 42:48

Also, mourners at a weight may not eat more than three sandwiches.

SPEAKER_02 42:55

That's wrong. No, eat all air as many sandwiches as you need.

SPEAKER_06 42:59

It's a celebration of life. I mean, what if they're hungry?

SPEAKER_10 43:01

In Louisiana, you can't eat more than three.

SPEAKER_05 43:03

I'm going back to the teeth. I'm going back to the teeth. So what if you, you know, what if uh you have a girl and she uses her teeth when she's going down on you? So you're gonna call the cops on that shit?

SPEAKER_10 43:14

Is it assault or aggravated assault, though?

SPEAKER_05 43:18

It doesn't matter either way. There's gotta be intent. What's the difference?

SPEAKER_02 43:22

What's the difference?

SPEAKER_05 43:23

What if you're into that shit? Well you know what the difference is? Practice.

SPEAKER_02 43:32

You're gonna hit I'm gonna have nightmares tonight.

SPEAKER_05 43:35

I'm okay with that.

SPEAKER_02 43:36

Okay. Snort.

SPEAKER_05 43:39

Oh, never call the cops on anybody in Louisiana.

SPEAKER_02 43:43

At least replace my baby.

SPEAKER_06 43:44

As long as you've been trying to keep your mouth open, I I'll give you that.

SPEAKER_10 43:50

So So in Maine. After January 14th, you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorated.

SPEAKER_06 44:01

Thank God. Someone who knows what they're talking about. Not really down with that.

SPEAKER_10 44:05

Also, you may not step out of a plane in flight. Is that just while you're over the state of Maine, though? It's okay when you're not going to be able to do it.

SPEAKER_06 44:14

If you just crossed into Connecticut, we've already talked about their own.

SPEAKER_10 44:17

Well, that's not their law, so I think that's okay. Just not over the state of you step out of a plane in flight.

unknown 44:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 44:22

But if it's in Connecticut, it's okay. Connecticut has no laws against that.

SPEAKER_05 44:25

But I'm just saying that you're going to step out of a plane in flight.

SPEAKER_02 44:29

What state are you over, right? I see where you're going with this. Only in Maine it's illegal. I mean, maybe we're illegal in Maine. It's illegal in Maine. You can't do it. Okay, so maybe I'm over Nevada and now it's okay. I step out of the flight.

SPEAKER_06 44:43

But the question I have is that can you not parachute? I mean, can you not skydive in the I mean maybe not? Are they trying to make skydiving illegal?

SPEAKER_10 44:51

I mean, that would be a good one.

SPEAKER_06 44:52

Well, maybe maybe I'm coming from a have you ever been skydiving? Me? There's no fucking reasons to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Yes, exactly what the funny of it. Heartbreak Ridge. There's nothing. But I mean, maybe they're saying sky so if you had a skydiving company, you probably don't want to go to Maine. That makes sense. Yeah. Because their law says you can't.

SPEAKER_05 45:18

So if I was because they don't live up there. So if I was the producers and the show Live ED, I'd be like having people like down on the ground like with people who skydive and say, hey, you're under a wrist fucker.

SPEAKER_08 45:30

For skydiving.

SPEAKER_05 45:31

For skydiving, because you jumped out of a perfectly good aircraft.

SPEAKER_08 45:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 45:35

They have a bias against skydiving. Yeah, facts.

SPEAKER_10 45:38

Yeah. So in Maryland, you can't be in a public park park with a sleeveless shirt. Powell would be it's a$10 fine.

SPEAKER_06 45:48

Oh. Sleeveless? You mean a tank top?

SPEAKER_10 45:50

Sleeveless.

SPEAKER_06 45:52

So that's not a bad thing.

SPEAKER_05 45:55

I'm sure the gay community likes that. It's only they'll pay the$10 and they'll keep going. White beaters.

SPEAKER_06 46:01

Gotta have your white beaters.

SPEAKER_02 46:02

That's right. First of all, they're called domestic violence shirts.

SPEAKER_06 46:06

Cut-off jeans. What if you have the white beater with cutoff jeans? Because that's that's the fashion.

SPEAKER_10 46:12

No, you can't have the sleeveless shirt. That's$10 fine.

SPEAKER_02 46:14

Are you kidding me? You got your wranglers cut off?

SPEAKER_06 46:17

Uh no, normally they don't do wranglers. There's more levis or some. I don't see. Wranglers normally are worn by a group that doesn't do the cutoffs and the white.

SPEAKER_05 46:27

Well, unless you're in a park at Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 46:31

Yeah. This obviously is not a law in New York. All right.

SPEAKER_10 46:33

You guys need to calm down a little bit.

SPEAKER_06 46:34

Or San Francisco.

SPEAKER_05 46:35

What? That's all it is.

SPEAKER_10 46:36

In Massachusetts, it's illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.

SPEAKER_05 46:42

Oh, well, they're not going to be able to do that. The whole New England clam chowder and the white. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:49

It's the red or the white, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 46:51

Yeah, you can't. They're the one. They made it a law. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 46:54

They made it a law. What's the two times? What's the other name of the other one that goes red? The other one? Yeah, the other one. There's the other one.

SPEAKER_10 47:04

Also, you must have a license to wear a goatee.

unknown 47:07

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 47:09

I believe that a hundred percent. Use it or pay for that.

SPEAKER_00 47:14

Like a fishing license and that's a$10 fine. Yeah.

Goatees Mustaches And Grooming Laws

SPEAKER_01 47:17

Yeah. Breaking the law. Breaking the law. Breaking the law. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 47:25

I guess we're not going to mess off the retirement list.

SPEAKER_02 47:29

No, but this is a serious question. Why are you doing this hair? Why don't you just let it ride for the rest of your face?

SPEAKER_04 47:38

I like beards.

SPEAKER_02 47:39

Why are you cutting it off here? You're going to the effort to like tidy it up and clean it around. Because the rest looks a little fine. It looks clean.

SPEAKER_06 47:47

Because I just want to break the law in fucking Massachusetts. You want to break the law. But I don't want the full. Yeah, fuck Massachusetts. That's why we do it.

SPEAKER_02 47:54

Why don't you just let the rest of it ride?

SPEAKER_06 47:56

Never been a Massachusetts fan. No. I don't like beards.

SPEAKER_02 47:59

You just enjoy the look of the goatee?

SPEAKER_06 48:02

I've got big fucking lips, and that's why I have a goatee to try to hide them.

SPEAKER_02 48:06

Why would you hide big lips? Do you know how much women pay to make their lips big?

SPEAKER_06 48:12

Why would you want to hide it? Check that yet.

SPEAKER_02 48:14

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_06 48:14

Maybe we can do that after the All right.

SPEAKER_02 48:17

What about you, Jeffy? Why do you like a goatee?

SPEAKER_05 48:19

Because my face looks cleaner if I didn't have a beard.

SPEAKER_02 48:24

Do you enjoy the goatee or do you prefer a beard?

SPEAKER_10 48:27

No, I like the goatee.

SPEAKER_05 48:29

Check out a rash. It's awesome.

SPEAKER_10 48:30

I don't like beers.

SPEAKER_05 48:32

It's texture. If you know what I mean. Ooh la la. It's texture, if you know what I mean. Ribbed for her pleasure.

SPEAKER_10 48:41

It's too far. Whiskers.

SPEAKER_05 48:43

Whiskers for her pleasure.

SPEAKER_10 48:45

In Minnesota, all men driving motorcycles must wear shirts. Well, that's and hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.

SPEAKER_06 48:54

No, wait. One out of two. One out of two.

SPEAKER_10 48:57

Yeah, I agree. Minnesota, no hamburgers.

SPEAKER_05 48:59

Well, that's Minnesota for you. And if you're not wearing a shirt in the wintertime of the state, they're okay.

SPEAKER_10 49:05

Right?

SPEAKER_05 49:06

All five get like that.

SPEAKER_06 49:08

Tofu burger.

SPEAKER_10 49:09

I think that's okay. That says hamburger. Chicken hamburger.

SPEAKER_06 49:12

For all your vegans out there, fuck off.

SPEAKER_10 49:15

You can have hamburger. You can have a hamburger on a tofu burger on Sunday.

SPEAKER_06 49:19

Yeah, you can have fake burger. I like tofu. I'm okay with tofu. You can have fake burgers.

SPEAKER_02 49:22

Then don't throw tofu under the bus. I didn't.

SPEAKER_06 49:24

I threw the vegans under the bus.

SPEAKER_02 49:26

No, you threw tofu under the bus.

SPEAKER_06 49:28

No, I I'll barbecue taroke tofu.

SPEAKER_02 49:31

Promise?

SPEAKER_06 49:32

Once in a while, yes.

SPEAKER_02 49:33

I think you promised me.

SPEAKER_06 49:34

I don't have a problem with tofu.

SPEAKER_10 49:36

Mississippi. You can't walk a dog without dressing it in diapers.

SPEAKER_06 49:43

No way. They don't want you pooping in the park. I just pick it up, but that's okay.

SPEAKER_10 49:48

It's also ill unlawful to shave in the center of Main Street.

SPEAKER_03 49:54

Down on Main Street.

SPEAKER_10 49:55

I know you guys were thinking of going to Mississippi and tidying up your goatees.

SPEAKER_06 50:01

But I just want to go on Main Street and do a little manscaping, but that's not going to happen.

SPEAKER_10 50:05

That's not going to happen. Not on Main Street.

SPEAKER_06 50:07

M-I-S-S-I-S-I-P-I.

SPEAKER_10 50:09

Fuck, I forgot the try that again. M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-I-P-P-I.

SPEAKER_06 50:18

That's how in grade school we learned it. How do you spell fucking Mississippi? Nobody can pronounce Oregon. Oregon.

SPEAKER_08 50:25

Oregon. Oregon.

SPEAKER_06 50:27

Oregon.

SPEAKER_08 50:27

Oregon. Oregon.

SPEAKER_06 50:29

Why is there an S on the end of Illinois? I don't know. It's Illinois.

SPEAKER_10 50:32

It's not. In Missouri, it's not illegal to speed. I wonder if that's still a real law.

SPEAKER_06 50:40

Damn. I'm going to buy a Porsche. Drive across it back and forth, back and forth. And then celebrate.

SPEAKER_10 50:46

Where? Missouri. Missouri.

SPEAKER_06 50:48

Missouri? You can't illegal.

SPEAKER_10 50:52

It says it's not illegal to speed.

SPEAKER_06 50:54

Dude.

SPEAKER_10 50:54

Also, four women may not rent an apartment together.

SPEAKER_06 50:58

I'm against it.

SPEAKER_10 51:01

Only six.

SPEAKER_06 51:03

I'm against six.

SPEAKER_10 51:04

You have to have three or five. Yes. Three or five. There's a minimum, actually. Or like three's company.

SPEAKER_05 51:12

Yeah, I'll pay for four women to rent the apartment. For sure. No, why?

SPEAKER_06 51:18

Six is legal.

SPEAKER_10 51:20

Montana.

SPEAKER_06 51:21

Six is better. Oh, Montana. Oh, this should be good. Montana. Love your fellow.

SPEAKER_07 51:28

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_06 51:32

If you're dumb enough to have your mistress send you mail, you're that's stupid.

SPEAKER_10 51:38

Right? Also, balls may not be thrown within the city limits.

SPEAKER_05 51:43

Define balls.

SPEAKER_10 51:46

Any balls.

SPEAKER_05 51:46

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_10 51:49

So I guess I can't cut them off and throw them across the city.

SPEAKER_05 51:51

Yeah, you can't cut off my balls in throw it off.

SPEAKER_10 51:53

Within the city limits. But if you're in the suburbs, it's okay.

SPEAKER_05 51:56

Okay. I'll turn your ass in if you do that if we move there.

SPEAKER_10 51:59

No, we'll just live in the suburbs.

SPEAKER_06 52:01

Rocking Mountain oysters cannot be tossed out now in the city limit.

SPEAKER_10 52:04

That's right. Nebraska. A man is not allowed to run around with a shaved chest. Thank you, Lord. I don't want to see it. Well, shaved chest. No, unshaved chest is what I was thinking. Shaved chest is fine.

SPEAKER_02 52:20

Do you prefer shaved?

SPEAKER_10 52:22

Do you have a preference?

SPEAKER_05 52:24

He can't run around with a chance. Shaved or unshaved? He could not run around with a shaved chest. Hair just not good.

SPEAKER_10 52:30

Oh, just a little I mean, but a little bit's fine, but I don't want to see that stuff like hanging out like this.

SPEAKER_06 52:37

I got one poor patient who looks like a gorilla everywhere over the top of his head. It's like, how does God curse you so bad to wear? I mean, really, the neck is hairy, but everything here, bold as a billiard. He's got a goatee that hangs down to here, which is not good. I'm like, I can't get my electric to stick to you, man. Poor bastard. Poor bastard. It's everywhere. He is a mongoloid, hairy son of a gun. That's not just like Nebraska.

SPEAKER_10 53:07

Barbers are forbidden to eat onions between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m.

SPEAKER_06 53:11

I'll take that.

SPEAKER_10 53:12

I will too.

SPEAKER_05 53:13

Can't eat onions?

SPEAKER_10 53:14

Can't eat onions. That's mostly. Because they're in your face.

SPEAKER_05 53:17

Well, I don't want a freaking barber, you know, with onions breathing on your hair.

SPEAKER_02 53:20

Well, are they cooking on the bottom? Can they bring the kangaroo into your barber? Are they wrong?

SPEAKER_05 53:23

Oh, that's a different state.

SPEAKER_02 53:24

Like on a burger? Okay.

SPEAKER_10 53:26

It says onions, period.

SPEAKER_02 53:28

If they're like sauteed, that'd be good.

SPEAKER_05 53:31

Would you like to have this haircut and like, hey, fuck you, man. Get the fuck away from me, onion breath. Have you ever heard of brushing your teeth? I'll turn that fucker in.

SPEAKER_10 53:42

Yeah, I like I like that law. Definitely like the one with the big supporter.

SPEAKER_07 53:48

You always find the barber with the body comic. Fine.

SPEAKER_10 53:52

In Nevada, it's against the law to pawn your dentures.

SPEAKER_06 53:56

I'm good with that. Oh, so do I really want someone else's mouth?

SPEAKER_05 54:03

I don't watch it. I don't watch pawn stars. I don't watch pawn stars, but I don't think that I've ever if if I even you know went across and they Yeah, I can only go five bucks on those dentures. So negotiating.

SPEAKER_10 54:23

They're like, oh gosh, I was really hoping for seven bucks. Um it's also illegal to drive a camel on the highway.

SPEAKER_06 54:31

Yeah, they're prevalent.

SPEAKER_10 54:33

Because they have lots of camels down there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 54:35

Well, they're the Sahara casino, their their logo used to be a camel. Illegal! Yeah, can't do that. That's why the Sahara is gone now.

SPEAKER_05 54:47

Because people ran about because people were coming up there trying to ride the camel.

SPEAKER_06 54:53

Do you have valet for my camel?

SPEAKER_02 54:54

No, we we have to close the whole casino down on account of this breach in the camel policy.

SPEAKER_10 55:00

In New Hampshire, it's you may not run your machinery on Sundays.

SPEAKER_06 55:05

Okay. Does that include a vibrator?

SPEAKER_02 55:07

Well, this isn't on machine. Good question.

SPEAKER_06 55:11

Machinery. How do you classify machinery?

SPEAKER_02 55:13

Well, probably electric versus battery.

SPEAKER_06 55:15

What about if it's a kickstart?

SPEAKER_02 55:17

What's that mean?

SPEAKER_06 55:18

I mean just a high-powered.

SPEAKER_02 55:20

It's a big one.

SPEAKER_06 55:23

Some women just like a little bit more power.

SPEAKER_05 55:25

A generator?

SPEAKER_06 55:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:28

Maybe. I would say you're fucked on Sunday, but not necessarily. You might be. Not in this state.

SPEAKER_10 55:35

Depending on where you live. Not in New Hampshire.

Cats Bells Flirting Fines And More

SPEAKER_06 55:37

Not in New Hampshire. Oh God, we're getting closer to Oregon. Shit. We are.

SPEAKER_10 55:40

Yes, we are. New Jersey. Automobiles are not to pass horse-drawn carriages on the street.

SPEAKER_02 55:46

No, you shouldn't.

SPEAKER_06 55:47

That's got to be the Amish issue.

SPEAKER_02 55:49

You shouldn't. In New Jersey?

SPEAKER_06 55:51

It's in that area.

SPEAKER_02 55:53

No, you should pass. Aren't there more Philadelphia and Ohio?

SPEAKER_10 55:56

You should pass responsibly.

SPEAKER_05 55:57

Yeah, Pennsylvania and shit. Yeah. There's some in Kansas too.

SPEAKER_10 56:00

Also, cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.

unknown 56:05

No.

SPEAKER_05 56:06

Peter.

SPEAKER_02 56:07

This is not. This is not real. That's not real. It's real.

SPEAKER_10 56:11

No, it's not real.

SPEAKER_02 56:12

It's real.

SPEAKER_10 56:13

No, it's not. You would not be able to do that. These are dumbass laws, Chris. It could be from the 1800s.

SPEAKER_05 56:18

You can't you can't go, oh, that's that one's you can't pick and choose what's real.

SPEAKER_10 56:22

And see what's still like dumb ass. Looking up every one of these to see if they're still applicable.

SPEAKER_02 56:29

Well, yeah, I mean, that's not applicable. Feel free. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 56:32

That's why they're dumb ass laws.

SPEAKER_10 56:35

That's the whole point of this.

SPEAKER_05 56:39

It describes itself. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 56:40

Uh, New Mexico. I'm sure there have been appeals.

SPEAKER_06 56:43

New Mexico.

SPEAKER_10 56:43

It's illegal for cab drivers to reach out and pull potential customers into their cabs.

SPEAKER_06 56:50

So is rape. I mean, aren't they the same thing?

SPEAKER_10 56:54

What did you say? It's illegal for cab drivers to reach out and pull customers into their cabs.

SPEAKER_05 56:59

Get your ass in my cab, motherfucker.

SPEAKER_10 57:03

Also, don't be caught carrying your lunchbox down Main Street.

SPEAKER_02 57:06

It's too dark.

SPEAKER_05 57:07

Man, what if it's like a Scooby-Doo Star Trek box? I think it's Star Trek. Star Wars.

SPEAKER_06 57:11

I mean, those are is it just like new wave lunchboxes or and what about the side street right next to Main Street? Is that okay?

SPEAKER_10 57:20

I think so. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, just go on a side street.

SPEAKER_06 57:22

Well, you gotta drop the fucker if you go on Main Street.

SPEAKER_05 57:24

Yeah. Well, just eat your lunch before you come back and get on Main Street. Yeah. There's that. Get rid of it.

SPEAKER_10 57:30

In New York, jaywalking is legal as long as it's not diagonal. That is, you can cross the street out of the crosswalk, but you can't cross it diagonally.

SPEAKER_06 57:39

That's pretty much everywhere. This is where curling comes in. Curling understands angles. This is these people are probably curlers. Probably so.

SPEAKER_10 57:48

You can't walk. I no. Don't walk. Also, a fine of$25 can be levied for flirting.

SPEAKER_01 57:56

Whoa.

SPEAKER_10 57:57

That's a stiff fine.$25. Yeah, for flirting.

SPEAKER_05 58:01

Stiff fine for a stiffy.

SPEAKER_02 58:04

In New York.

SPEAKER_06 58:06

Please define it.

SPEAKER_02 58:07

You can have to pay for my drinks because I'm going to be out of fresh out of money just by flirting.

SPEAKER_06 58:12

You look at me. I'm like$25. So you go there. Or I'm going to report you to the subway police.

SPEAKER_05 58:16

So that's right. Next time I'm in New York, I'm going to like, hey, baby, you look pretty good. You look even better, you know, suck at my dick. So oh shit,$25 fine.

SPEAKER_06 58:25

That's a good looking chin.

SPEAKER_10 58:27

This one's really good. North Carolina.

SPEAKER_06 58:30

It's only$25. North Carolina. What if Jay say yes? Right. It's worth$25. Yeah. Cheapest hooker in New York.

SPEAKER_10 58:39

North Carolina. You can be fined for singing out of tune for more than 90 seconds.

SPEAKER_06 58:44

Fuck, I'd be fined every time I've got a big thing.

SPEAKER_02 58:45

Mike, I like to better. I liked you better when you were singing and not talking about the New York subway.

SPEAKER_05 58:52

So like Peter Brady. So Peter Brady on the Brady Bunch, man, would be, he can't, he could say, Well, it's time to change. Yeah, it's time to change. You know, and shit like that on the Brady Bunch. So that's all I got. What was that? Oh, the Partridge Family.

SPEAKER_06 59:06

The other one back in those days. Yeah, but they sang good. It probably wouldn't be a hit today.

SPEAKER_10 59:11

For the time, it was dead.

SPEAKER_06 59:13

No, listen. None of none of the lines.

SPEAKER_02 59:16

Hey, listen, none of the listeners really know about those songs.

SPEAKER_05 59:20

Yeah, well, they'll there's there's Google. Google them. They'll Google.

SPEAKER_10 59:23

In North Dakota, it's illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.

SPEAKER_05 59:29

Sorry to hear that. Man, I wish they had that. So you might have to get up and run.

SPEAKER_10 59:35

You never know when you gotta get up and run.

SPEAKER_05 59:36

I wish they had that fucking law here.

SPEAKER_10 59:40

How about this one? In Ohio, no one may be arrested on a Sunday or on the 4th of July.

SPEAKER_06 59:47

That leaves some open options.

SPEAKER_10 59:49

Does and create all the crime on Sunday or 4th of July? Also, you may not run out of gas.

SPEAKER_06 59:57

We could jump out of the plane on Sunday. You can't run out of gas arrested.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:00

It sounds like an alliance. You can't run out of gas on Sunday. Jesus in the United States.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:04

Jeez, man.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:05

So you're you're Ohio football.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:09

Yeah. Why do you argue there? Ohio State. You said no.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:13

The next two states will be really good.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:14

Okay, here's our states.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:16

Oklahoma.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:18

In specifically.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:19

I want to know who's got the dumbest law between the two of us. I can't wait to do that.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:23

Specifically in Ada.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:27

I know you do. If you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:31

Oh, that's perfect.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:32

There's nothing wrong with that. Okay. That's it. I like it.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:36

Oh, I'm reading it right here.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:38

It should include Raiders jerseys, but okay. We'll go with that.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:42

Which at the LA?

SPEAKER_06 1:00:43

Ada.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:44

Also Ada, Oklahoma. Ada, Oklahoma. That's a brilliant fucking law.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:49

Also, in Oklahoma, they will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another person's hamburger.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:55

Man, Oklahoma rocks. The next president may come out of Ada. I'm starting to think that these people are pretty.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:01

It's also against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:06

Perfect. Well, it makes sense, but Yo, the new song God made Oklahoma. I'm starting to really feel bad about Oregon right now because Oklahoma, I mean, it's stupid. But I'm feeling pretty good about it. But why would you be reading Spider-Man when you're driving down the freeway?

unknown 1:01:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:23

Why are you reading Spider-Man when you're an adult gym?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:26

Are you dissing Spider-Man?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:29

Oh, you savage. What's wrong with you?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:32

Are you are you a professional adult? You're grown up because I read it.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:37

So the organ ones are a little that's different. Different.

Oregon Laws Hit Close To Home

SPEAKER_06 1:01:41

Oh, I'm sure they're gonna be. Here we go.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:42

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:43

Oh no.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:44

It's against the law for a wedding ceremony ceremony to be performed at a skating rink.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:50

Oh no! This is where I draw the line. This is a hard no. Nope.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:55

I'm out. I've catered weddings at skating rings.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:01

Also, you're against the law.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:04

In Myrtle Creek specifically.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:06

Myrtle Creek?

SPEAKER_10 1:02:07

Oh god, this should be a population of 200 people. One may not box with a kangaroo.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:13

But you can take them in the fucking barber shop, can't you? Boy. I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:17

What are cities or towns near Myrtle Creek? Canyonville, where the casino is. You can beat the shit out of a fucking take the fucker to Canyonville and beat the lower. If the MMA fights in the casino, you're okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:30

Also can't whistle underwater.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:33

In Oregon?

SPEAKER_10 1:02:34

Yeah.

unknown 1:02:35

Yeah, good.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:36

I want to go try it just on just to fucking get arrested.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:39

I can't whistle at all, so we're safe.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:41

So you know, every time she every time she whistles like the Andy Griffith show, he rolls over in his fucking grave.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:47

How do you whistle underwater? If someone can, please let me know.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:51

Okay. In Pennsylvania, all fire hydrants. This is a good one.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:55

Got another fire hydrant.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:57

All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires. How are you going to do that?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:02

That's stupid.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:04

That's why these are called dumb laws.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:07

Every pyro is sitting there going, all right, I'm going to let you know. I'm going to start a fire right here. Yeah. Check that thing. Let's see how it goes.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:13

This is just all evidence that we need more sophisticated and smart people in leadership in our community.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:20

So in the politicians, so in so in Pennsylvania, they got the 60 minutes thing.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:26

But you need somebody. You need to fire. I'm good.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:33

It's also illegal to sleep on top of the refrigerator outdoors. So don't do that.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:38

The beer fridge is outdoors. Well, you know, that could be that could happen. Probably be at the base of the that could happen. I see myself getting up on top of it.

Running For Mayor And New Rules

SPEAKER_05 1:03:48

Well, yeah, but I'll make my announcement. I don't see myself getting on top of one either, but oh it's mini fridge. Minifridge There you go. I can tell the side. I was just resting and leaning on asshole. Why are you wrestling?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:01

I want to I want to officially make my announcement that I'm running for mayor.

unknown 1:04:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:08

Of Medford, Oregon. Oh. Okay. And I'm accepting proposals for any kind of law that you feel like.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:19

I thought you were the administrator for the Well, yeah, that's a that's that's a side business.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:25

Oh maybe. Well, I maybe we should do this one. We'll do the same one as Rhode Island. Yeah, what would you do? It is considered offensive to throw pickle juice on a trolley.

unknown 1:04:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:35

Well we don't have a trolley here.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:37

Doesn't. That's close. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:41

Can you pick up the proposal?

SPEAKER_06 1:04:45

So the first person So the first person that did that I'm kind of pissed because I walk around pickle juice all the time.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:52

Yeah, I like pickle juice, man.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:54

I've always got some in my pocket.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:59

Is it a pickle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:05

You walked right into that.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:07

Well, you want the juice? That trolley better pr get pretty close.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:10

I'm like you didn't have to do all that.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:14

There you go. Nobody saw that.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:15

South Carolina got on you.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:17

I'm sorry it got on you. Let's go, South Carolina.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:19

South Carolina. Every man must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:27

Nice. That's obviously an old one, but good.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:32

Old.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:33

Oldie but a goody.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:34

Also, you can't keep your horse in a bathtub.

unknown 1:05:36

No.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:37

Well can't keep gators in bathtubs either.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:41

South Dakota. It's illegal to lay down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:46

Oh. Of course it is.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:49

South Dakota.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:50

Are they known for cheese? I I did not know that.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:53

Cheesy.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:56

I don't know if they are. Anyway.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:58

Tennessee. Driving is to be Done while asleep is not to be done while asleep.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:03

Good, good law. Good law. Did we get a lot of people in Oregon to do that? I swear to God, people wake up and realize, fuck, I'm driving.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:09

I see them all the time.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:10

Also, it's illegal to catch a fish with a lasso.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:14

I thought it was my hands. Dude. One thing says you can't catch my hands. This one's a lasso.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:19

Okay. I like fishing, and you know what? I would really like to try a lasso a fish. Yeah, I'd like to see it. I would too.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:28

We can do either one in Oregon if you like. We can't do it. Grab my hand, grab my lasso.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:32

Fuck, we can net them here at lassoing anyway.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:37

So in Texas, it's illegal to milk another person's cow.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:43

Okay. What if you have permission?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:44

Private property.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:48

Defined cow.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:53

Defined cow.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:58

In Utah.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:59

Oh dear God. What's allowed in Utah? You go to Utah, you go to Utah.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:05

It's illegal to fish from horseback. It's illegal to fish from horseback.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:10

Bullshit. What if you have a lasso or hands?

SPEAKER_10 1:07:15

Oh, I like this one in Utah. The husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:23

Which wife? Woo, woo, woo! Which wife? Is that after the first five? Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:29

All of the state. Every adopt it in every state. All wives. Fucking great question. Yeah, which wife.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:34

When you become mayor.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:36

Adopt it in every state. Yes.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:37

Virginia.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:38

I will I will advance our initiative. You can count on me.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:43

Swearing at someone over the phone in Virginia is punishable by a hundred dollar fine.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:48

Fuck you! Can you still send a dick pic?

SPEAKER_10 1:07:50

I think so, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:51

Okay, great.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:53

No, that I don't like that because then you can't do prank calls.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:55

I love prank calls.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:58

Well, in Washington, all lollipops are banned. And you may not ride an ugly horse. Boring.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:04

Oh. How do you judge ugly? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:08

That's rude. Again, Rebecca Lobo. I stand for my horse comrades. I know. I stand against that.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:17

So you can't ride Rebecca Lobo in Washington.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:23

Don't be rude. In West Virginia.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:27

God, who knows what this is going to be.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:29

It's illegal to snooze on a train. And it's also unlawful for chickens to lay eggs before 8 a.m. and after 4 p.m.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:39

How do you fucking regulate a chicken?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:44

Were you going to take a chicken to jail?

SPEAKER_06 1:08:46

You grab that one and let it early, you pull that in front of the entire tanhouse, you chop its head off and go, now, all you other bitches learn. That's how it's got to be. Don't fucking lay the egg before it. Hold that fucker.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:01

Don't let it out.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:02

You try that, and I guarantee you they're not going to lay it on next day.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:05

How the hell do you train your chicken for daylight saving time? I don't know. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:09

You don't have to train them. They're smarter than me. No, they're not. This kind of makes sense. When's the last time that you made a goddamn rooster crows all day long? When did you make a fresh egg?

SPEAKER_06 1:09:22

The sun already came up. Shut up. That's what I'm saying. Not you, the rooster. Well, you better not. You look at me like fuck.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:28

I made it I made a I made a I made a fresh egg after getting home after making all the green lights earlier. So okay, I got that.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:36

Did you know in Wisconsin at one time margarine was illegal?

SPEAKER_05 1:09:42

That should be the case in Wisconsin. It should be for that's perfect in Wisconsin. Yeah, that should be the case.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:48

That's the cheese capital there.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:50

Right. You should have fresh butter.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:51

Butter and cheese.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:52

Right. Yeah, that makes sense. Also, you're allowed to marry your house.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:00

Did they misspell husband? I'd like to see the ceremony.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:04

Dear house. But not in a skating ring.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:08

Do his part.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:12

But not in a skating ring.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:13

I think that's geared to where the in the divorce proceedings, the wife gets the house.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:20

That's different.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:21

Obviously, that was a female judge who put that in. Definitely. Do what man wins in a divorce?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:29

You might be surprised. When's the last time you got divorced?

SPEAKER_05 1:10:33

Man, if I divorced a house and I lost that case, I'd be fucking ridiculed for the rest of the world. Can you imagine a woman who lost a house in that divorce?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:41

You know, some people give away a house. What lawyer did you have? Hey, you know, some people some women give away a house.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:47

Really? Hey, Johnny Cochrane, can you uh please uh I'm not in that tamp it down, tamp it down.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:53

All right for you. There are some sane women in the world.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:57

So let's round this out with Wyoming. Wyoming that would be. You may not take a picture of a rabbit during the month of June.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:08

Too late. What?

SPEAKER_06 1:11:10

That makes sense. I understand that one. I understand that one completely. Do you really? Of course. Why would you?

SPEAKER_10 1:11:18

Also, it's illegal to tattoo a horse with the intent of making it unrecognizable to its owner.

unknown 1:11:25

Who?

SPEAKER_10 1:11:27

Pay attention. Who fucking did that? It's illegal to tattoo a horse with the intent of making it unrecognizable to its owner.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:34

What if you named your horse Mike Tyson?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:36

I already told you how I feel about horses.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:38

And you can have a face tattoo on your fucking horse. And your owner still couldn't recognize it, huh? Your horse may still recognize you. So if it was if you name your horse, they'll report you if you do it. It'd be a horse.

unknown 1:11:50

Horse.

SPEAKER_09 1:11:51

Horse.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:54

I had my horse. I had my horse. And I tattooed my horse, and then my horse doesn't look like me now.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:01

Horse tattooed.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:02

And you know what, Mike Tyson, please don't beat the fuck out of me for saying that. Because you could.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:07

Is he alive still?

SPEAKER_05 1:12:08

Yeah, he's alive, and he could kick the living shit out of me, so um, hopefully he'd be.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:12

On his deathbed, he probably could. On his deathbed he probably could. I thought he was like in the OJ category.

unknown 1:12:18

No.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:19

No, he fought that media influencer, Jake, whatever his name was, like a year ago. Made a shitload of money. You know, he's from Cape Junction.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:30

The home of school buses for houses. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:34

Makes sense. The guy, the influencer that he fought, who also fought lightly. Oh, you're you're good at it, don't worry. Uh the uh the other fight he had we made 69 million dollars and he got broke his jaw. What's his name? Jake Paul? Yeah, Jake Paul. He's from Cave Junction. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:54

Wow, I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:56

Yeah, well, well, very few people do, because if I was him, I wouldn't let it out either.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:59

But it was a very uh promising feature for him.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:02

Well, it makes sense.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:04

I wonder how big his b school bus was.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:06

Short, very short. And loaded with pot smoke.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:10

Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:11

Did you know Ronda Rousey from she has a local here?

unknown 1:13:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:20

Didn't write with that.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:22

So that's all I had.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:23

That's all she has. We're out of states.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:25

We're out of states. There's gotta be something shit in Canada. Well, they're not a state yet. They're not a state yet. Iceland.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:35

Mike, you walked right into it. You did a bad bunny. You did a bad bunny. You walked right into it. What state? Canada. Ecuador. I mean, Puerto Rico. El Sabah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:48

Go to Greenland. We're buying that one.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:49

Venezuela. You walked right into that.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:52

Mike, you're gonna be the part of the halftime show next year. You're gonna be bad funny.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:56

Bad funny. He would, yeah. I'd like that. Actually, that would be funny to have a t-shirt of you. A bad funny. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:03

Bad funny.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:04

Holding the football?

SPEAKER_06 1:14:05

Yeah, bad funny. Anyone want me to sing again? Yeah, I do. No.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:12

Yeah. I'll sing with you.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:14

Nah. How about you go and I'll be the backup singer. There you go. Go ahead, Chris.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:18

And I'll be in the house. I'll be in the house backing you up. I don't want to give her the mic because she sings like shit songs. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:27

Are you double dog daring me to sing Joni Mitchell? No.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:30

Yes. No.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:33

All right. Let's see. Let's see if you know the song.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:35

I just asked who Joni Mitchell was. She's unbathed.

Sing Us Out And Subscribe

SPEAKER_02 1:14:38

Are you kidding me? Okay, we're going to talk off the mic. She's unbathed. That's outrageous. All right.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:43

I may know the song. I just don't know who she is.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:45

Ready?

SPEAKER_06 1:14:46

No.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:47

She's gonna she's gonna sign us out here with a song.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:51

Yeah, you gonna play us out with this? Peace out, everybody. Thank you.

unknown 1:14:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:57

Play us out. What the fuck does play us out mean?

SPEAKER_06 1:15:03

Are you tuning yourself?

SPEAKER_02 1:15:06

Well, I keep on thinking about you. Sister Golden Hair Surprise. Tiffany McJay.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:13

I got you. And almost finishradiopodcast.com.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:16

Live without you. Can't you see? You're supposed to see one more. Subscribe and listen.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:26

Not after this. No, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:28

I've been sound pretty good. I'll sing yourself. But it I just can't chew off of mine.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:39

Alright. It sounded way better than you're talking.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:44

I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:46

She can't sing that good, you know, because she's No, you're supposed to be joining me.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:49

That's why. Love me just a little. Just see enough to show you care. Will I try to fake it? Just can't make it. Thank you, Brackley. I got the back of Arcoli in the blast lyric. Thank you, finally.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:11

That's all they wanted to hear from me.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:17

Sorry for the Johnny Mitchell, but that's okay. Thanks, everybody.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:49

So I heard some of them like, okay, I'll pick up that last one.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:52

So we're still on here, so you want to go ahead and sing one more, Mike? No, no, I'm good. Yeah. Okay. No, no.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:56

He does.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:58

We're off air now. The Hotel California. Karen knows. I know. Don't do that. The Little Hotel California for us. The hotel.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:11

I can do the drum souls.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:13

That is baby. No, that's uh what sound like that? Okay.